“Oh, if you knew the struggles which I went through before I embraced the sort of life which I now follow [as a Passionist father]; the great horror which the devil caused me; the compassion I felt for my relations — their hopes in this world all resting on me — my interior desolations, my melancholy, my fears. It seemed to me as if I could not last out; the devil tried to persuade me that I was deceived; that I might serve God in another way; that this was no life for me; with plenty more that I now omit. What is more than all this, I had no more devotion. I was dry and tempted in every way: the sound of the church bells became hateful to me — every one I saw seemed happy except myself. I cannot possibly explain the great conflicts I underwent; and these assailed rue with greater violence as the time approached when I was to receive the habit and leave my poor home. All this is the simple truth; but there is far more which I cannot explain.” St. Paul of the Cross  (“The Life of Blessed Paul of the Cross”, tr. by Fr. Ignatius of S. Paul, pub. 1860, pg. 8.)